I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
