Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
