I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
