your thong is hanging out like whoa
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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