Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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