I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
