Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
