Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
