I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
