Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My feet surprised me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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