It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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