Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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