I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
