I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
