The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
