i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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