Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
