i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize