I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
