i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize