I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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