I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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