a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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