i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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