There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
