Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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