def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
