I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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