i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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