I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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