Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
