Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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