You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
