Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
