Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
