I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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