He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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