I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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