First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
