sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You are a genius and a whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
