i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
