Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
honey bunches of taint.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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