I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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