im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
