So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
