Sry I called you an 8
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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