I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
