it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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