and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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