just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How external is "for external use only"?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
