I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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