And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
