I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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