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• (443): View more from Maryland

  when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming

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• (315): View more from New York

  Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is

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