Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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