Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
