They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
