I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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