I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
