I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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