I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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