she was so not down for the gang bang
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
