Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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