my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize