Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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