I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
