come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
